How to Kill Pigeons

Killing Pigeons

Pigeons are ugly little things, basically rats with wings. They spread germs and diseases wherever they go. They need to be dealt with immediately. They are everywhere, its an invasion I tell you. Its the damn Birds I tell you. They take over cities and before you know it we will all be dying of some sort of pigeon disease and then it will be just them left. They will eventually take everything else out as well. They need to be stopped. We cannot allow this to happen, we need to band together and stop them before they gain even more ground on us. So this is it, the campaign/movement to end the pigeon infestation.

I will tell you how to get rid of these flying vermin.

One method that I hear works but haven’t tested out yet is alka seltzer. When you see these filthy bastards on the ground, around your house or wherever, get some alka seltzer and feed it to them. I here it fills them up, traps the air in them and makes them explode some how. I don’t know for a fact that this method works but I have heard from a few reliable sources that it does. I also hear that it is fun to watch them explode. The clean up may not be as fun but at least you won’t have pigeons around anymore. I have been told that feeding them rice works in a similar way.

Another method on how to kill the disease filled pigeons is to shoot them down. Whether they are flying or picking at the ground or whatever, this is a sure fire way to kill them. Well that depends on your shot, I am not responsible if you just suck and can’t get a decent shot off. You see them, you shoot. It really is that simple. Just about any gun will work. BB gun, shot gun, pistol, paint ball gun, .22, .50 cal, RPG, you know just the basic weapons you have laying around the house. If you are stupid enough not to have these weapons what the hell kind of  good are you going to be in the Revolution against the distrustful birds?

Never discount the usefulness of a bow and arrow. Some may view this as a primitive weapon but believe me, its not. This weapon does require a bit more skill though. I also find that shooting flaming arrows is also very affective. Also, its a pretty cool thing to watch. Now again for you naysayers about the bow and arrow, yes it is an old school weapon, but when the Revolution breaks out and we have to endure the post-apocalyptic world, this may be the only weapon left because it can be made with simple materials. It is what are ancestors used and it is what we will use.

There is also poison. Never discount poison. It is usually a turn to method. A good way to start the Revolution. It will be our first attack. It is sneaky and they won’t suspect a thing. Now you need to be careful with the poison though. You only want to target the pigeons. There are poisons specifically designed for them so you don’t accidentally kill the neighbor’s dog (unless you wouldn’t mind offing the neighbor’s dog). The most common used is Avitrol, however that is only available to pest control professionals unless you know where to go, talk to me later and we will work something out. You can do the poison pellets and birdseed way with just about any poison but you need to be very careful with that way. You may cause some casualties.

So let the Revolution begin! Join with me my fellow humans and let us defeat these damn dirty birds before they truly take over and literally shit all over us.

Or we could just calm down at spend the rest of the day looking at some cool art