How to Kill Fungus
“Here is a tip on how to prevent body fungus. Take a damn shower for the love of god”
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How to Kill a Vampire
“I hate to break it to you but vampires do not glitter in the damn sun”
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How to Kill Your Boss
“Seriously, try working for your brother and not want to kill him”
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How to Kill Grass
” Newspapers are not as innocent as they seem, they are tough and mean and will rage an all out war on your lawn”
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How to Kill Bed Bugs
“So goodnight, sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite, seriously”
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How to Kill a Bear
“There are two bears that are not to be harmed under any circumstances. Do you hear me? “
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How to Kill a Cold
” Not just because of the garlic though, people just don’t like you and are looking for an excuse not to hangout with you”
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How to Kill Crows
“There in one particular crow or actually raven that you want to be aware of. It will appear on a rare occasion when you are weary and may be experiencing some sort of depression or the beginnings of a psychotic break”
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How to Kill Mice
” If you wish to harm this mouse then you have severe issues with your childhood and probably need to see a professional”
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How to Kill Ants
“Now, if they have already breached your borders there are still ways to kill them”
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