How To Kill A Tree
“I don’t mean you put a girdle on your tree and squeeze it to death. Idiots.”
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How To Kill Banana Spiders
“I’m not stupid like you are”
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How to Kill Cockroaches
“You take that shoe and smack the roach until it dies a quick death”
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How to Kill Brain Cells
“If you have found a way to survive with out air then please, please let me know I am very interested in hearing about this”
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How to Kill Time
“Solitaire happens to be a main suspect in the growing number of the murders committed on time but as of right now no charges have been filed”
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How to Kill a Werewolf
“They want to be in the media, as long as they are in the mainstream, less of a myth and legend they become and people don’t think about them as actually existing just another thing on the T.V.”
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How to Kill a Lobster
“Also be weary of a lobster that can sing and dance, Sebastian has been missing and I wouldn’t want to anger the Mer King by eating him”
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How to Kill Pigeons
“If you are stupid enough not to have these weapons what the hell kind of good are you going to be in the Revolution against the flying vermin?”
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How to Kill Black Widows
“Its an evil Black Widow, if you have problems with this then maybe you’re the sick one. Just saying.”
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How to Kill Aphids
“A last resort method to kill aphids is one that I don’t recommend unless you have had all you can take and are at the end of your rope”
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